Journey through Pain

If you don’t know what fibromyalgia is. read this

Journey through Pain

Rosemary Spark

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
In out, in out
They..(the chiros, the physios, the doctors, yogis) say
it helps
Maybe it does
I can still think…just
But,
all my mind thinks is pain
All I feel is pain

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
What do they say?
They say
“This may be uncomfortable”
It’s as far from comfort as the moon from the Earth
As far from my mother’s arms as the coldest Antarctic

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They say “relax”
But I have to hold on
Because if I let go
I might disappear into the pain
Be sucked into the whirlpool
Until I no longer exist
Until there’s no longer any way to remember.

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They ask,
“How do you rate your pain 0-10?”
10 million is not high enough
There are not enough zeroes
In any number.

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They say it’s not really pain
“It’s in your mind”
What is my mind then to create such a monster?
Such a dark, red nightmare of pain.

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They say, “It’s in your brain”
It’s learnt to be in pain”
Yes
In my brain
In my heart
In my body
In my spirit.

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They say
“It’s only pain
No foul, no harm.”
The harm is the pain
Because it’s in the way
Of life,
of love,
of God.

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They say
“Be in the moment”
Yes, in the everlasting second
In the endless eternity of pain
In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
In out, in out.

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They say,
Think positive
But the pain is a grey cloud
That darkens my mind
Until I can no longer think
No word follows word.

In out, in out
Got to remember to breathe
They say,
Pain brings you closer to God.
But it takes so much space
There is no room,
I can’t find a chink
Or find a place to stand.